Stuck Between Terror and Trust

I remember my dad using a pocketknife to remove a splinter from my hand when I was a kid. I trusted him, but I wasn't so sure that I should trust him when he was pressing a blade up against my hand to pick a splinter out. I remember feeling this odd mixture of terror and trust. I felt the same thing when my mom would use a safety pin to remove a splinter or when one of my parents would pull my loose tooth. In fact, I think I felt this way a lot as a small child. Anytime my parents needed to do something that would be painful to me in the short run, even though I knew it was good for me in the long run, it created this tug of war in my heart between terror and trust.

I think the disciples experienced a similar mix of terror and trust in the hours leading up to Jesus' crucifixion. Jesus had been hinting at His impending death for days or even weeks (one example can be found in John 12:27-33). Then came the night of the last supper. After He had washed their feet, Jesus told the disciples that one of their own would betray Him (John 13:21-30). Then at the same meal Jesus revealed that one of their greatest leaders, Simon Peter, would fall away and deny Him three times before the next morning (John 13:36-38). Taken together in short succession, the predictions that Jesus would be murdered, that one of them would betray Him and that even Peter would fall away must have been the most painful news the disciples would ever hear. You can imagine how filled with terror and confusion their hearts must have been. And as they reeled, struggling to make sense of it all, Jesus comforts them with these words.

Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. (John 14:1)

He tells them not to be anxious or distressed, but to simply believe in God and in Him. In essence, Jesus tells them to wait, to be still, and to trust. The same things my parents told me when they needed to do something that was ultimately for my good but might cause a little bit of pain in the short run.

I don't know what you are going through right now. I don't know what is troubling you or causing anxiety or distress in your life, but I believe God is trustworthy. So, if you find yourself stuck between terror and trust, choose to trust God. Submit yourself to Him, even when He puts you under the knife to perform surgery on your life. Wait. Be still. Trust. He has a plan. He is in control. And it will work out for your good, believer.