Favorites in the Family (W.o.W. Rewind)

 Jacob made love to Rachel also, and his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah.

Genesis 29:30

Now Israel loved Joseph more than any of his other sons, because he had been born to him in his old age; and he made an ornate robe for him. When his brothers saw that their father loved him more than any of them, they hated him and could not speak a kind word to him.

Genesis 37:3-4

Jacob had been his mother's favorite son. His brother, Esau, had been his dad's. Favoritism in the home was what he knew. It was what he was used to. And as we read the last half of Genesis, it becomes clearer and clearer that it is a toxic trait that Jacob's home life will be dominated by. 

Through a series of circumstances that weren't entirely Jacob's fault, he was tricked into marrying a pair of sisters. This is a bad idea which is why Scripture expressly forbids it in Leviticus 18:18. But Jacob made this bad idea worse by playing favorites. Scripture tells us right away that he loved one of his wives better than the other. Unsurprisingly, this created a rivalry between the two women. And for years they competed for their husband's affection by trying to outdo the other by having more children.

Sadly, this only made the situation worse because Jacob treated the children the same as he treated their mothers. He played favorites among his own kids. Showing preference to the one who was born of his favorite wife. Predictably, this led to rivalry among the kids. It got so bad that the brothers sold their rival into slavery and told their father he was dead. Deep down in their hearts, I believe they wished he really were dead. 

There are so many lessons we can learn from Jacob's life but one of them is undoubtedly the danger of playing favorites with our families. I know that most of us think we would never do that, but how many adults do you know who believe they weren't their parent's favorite child? Obviously, some parents still make this mistake. Be very careful that you aren't among them. Favoritism is toxic, and it will ruin your family.

The Ultimate Imitation of Christ

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

At any given moment most of us have a burden, some heaviness or trouble in our lives. If you are anything like me, then you are acutely aware of your own burdens and almost completely oblivious to those of anyone else around you. It's true. Serving others, thinking of others, being considerate- these aren't my natural strong suits. So when I came across this verse, I was prompted by the Spirit to ask myself this question. "Do I help bear the burdens of other believers?"

The second half of the verse reveals just how important this question really is. It tells us that if we are helping to bear burdens then we are fulfilling the law of Christ. So if we aren't, then we must be failing to fulfill Christ's law. 

Why is this so important? The ESV study Bible adds a helpful footnote here. "To bear one another's burdens is the supreme imitation of Jesus, the ultimate burden bearer" (p.2255). Think for a moment about Jesus as the ultimate burden bearer. 1 Peter 2:24 says, "'He himself bore our sins' in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness." Galatians 3:13 reveals that "Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us." But perhaps Isaiah 53:4-5 puts it best of all: 

Surely he took up (bore) our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered him punished by God, stricken by him, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was on him, and by his wounds we are healed.

In Christ we have been set free from the Old Testament law; we are no longer obligated to observe times and seasons. So what is this law of Christ? We are obligated by the grace and freedom we have received through Jesus to live for God as His servants, obeying His commands. Jesus taught us that the second greatest command of God is to love our neighbor as ourselves (Mark 12:30-31). If we are to fulfill Jesus' teaching, if we are to obey His commands, then we must bear one another's burdens.

All of us know a believer with a burden. Stop right now and think of at least one.

Now, prayerfully and considerately, do something about it. Help bear that burden. Encourage them. Pray for them. Serve them. Come alongside and mourn with them. Volunteer to help them get some work done. Give generously to them. Remember that we are called to love one another as a family- a new family, created through Jesus, as we are adopted as God's children. So do something to lighten the load of a brother or sister in Christ today. 

For further reading

• John 13:1-17 & 34- Consider Christ's service through the lens of a powerfully symbolic act.
• 2 Corinthians 8:9- The prince of heaven becomes a poor carpenter with no place to lay his head so that we might be saved.

Are We Losing the Battle for Our Own Children?

After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel.

Judges 2:10

How did they not know? God had left specific instructions for teaching children about Himself (Deut. 6:4-9) and He had provided natural opportunities to do so both in physical landmarks (e.g. ebenezers or monuments to the Lord's deeds- see Josh. 4:1-9) and in the Israelite calendar (e.g. the Passover festival among others- see Ex. 12:21-27).  Somewhere along the line the Israelite parents neglected their duty to teach their own children about God and his deeds. That, combined with the powerful influence of the pagan culture around them, seduced their children away from the Lord. This failure cost the Israelite community dearly over hundreds of years. They fell into a pattern of sin that resulted in God's punishment. They would cry out to God for deliverance, and mercifully God would rescue them from the hand of their enemies. But after a short-lived peace, the people would once again fall into sin.

Judges 2:10 has a sobering effect on me as a dad and as a minister to youth and children. As I look around at our churches and families I fear that the church in America may be falling prey to the same shortcoming that plagued the Israelites so long ago. How can we win the world if we are losing the battle for the hearts of our own children? 

We send our children to secular schools for seven or eight hours a day. They spend countless hours practicing and competing in secular sports leagues. Every second of every day they are inundated with information about which starlet went braless at what premier and which running back will be starting for their team. Our children are growing up in an environment that is arguably filled with more information and entertainment than any other society in history. In the swirl of all this distraction we cannot allow our homes to become secular environments as well. Our homes should not be filled with secular movies, music and TV shows; but with the gospel of Christ lived out every day in the context of family. They should be filled with family Bible study, Christian music, worship, and careful individual instruction in the Word. 

I am not suggesting that we retreat from our task of winning the world for Christ and hide our children away in little Christian monasteries. What I am saying is that if we cannot win our own children for Christ then I think we have very little of hope of winning the world for Him either. We must begin here. We must win this battle if we hope to fare well in the war. And right now I fear that we are losing the battle for our own children.

For further reading...

• Deut. 6:4-9- The quintessential passage in the Bible on teaching our children about God.
• Josh. 4:1-9- A physical monument to God's work can be a great discussion starter for teaching kids about God.
• Ex. 12:21-27- Work natural opportunities to teach your children about God into you yearly calendar. Use holidays like Easter, Good Friday, Christmas, and Martin Luther King Jr. day as learning opportunities for your family.

Our Story

Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel. This is the gospel that you heard and that has been proclaimed to every creature under heaven, and of which I, Paul, have become a servant.

Colossians 1:21-23

Let me tell you a story about our family, the human family. This story belongs to all of us, because this story tells what is true about all of us.

Once upon a time you were an enemy of God. You were born into a family of rebels who long ago broke away from God. They hated Him and had a proud history going back many centuries of opposing His leadership in their lives. But by your own actions many times over you proved that you rejected God's way of life and His right to rule over you just as vehemently as any other human ever has. (And some of you still do.)

But God, it turns out, is a King like no other. Instead of squashing this feeble rebellion, which He could have easily done, God's heart reached out in love to reclaim His rebellious subjects. He sent His Son to die for them and through the death of His Son, He has brought back to the former state of loving harmony those who believe on His Son's name.

Now God has a plan for these repentant rebels, these prodigals. At the end of time when He presides in judgment for good or ill over all His creation, He will present those whom He reconciled by His Son as trophies for His glory. He will keep them unblemished by this world. Their holiness will be above suspicion. They will showcase His great love and grace towards those who previously rebelled against Him, if they persevere in their reconciled state. You see, if they are to fulfill God's purpose for them, then these redeemed ones must continue established and immovable in their faith in the Son. They must not trade in the hope they have found in Him for some other supposed means of reconciliation to God.

This is the battle that those who accept the Son face, to stay true to their faith even as they live in a world that constantly tries to tear them away from Him. They face temptation on every side. Temptation to embrace evil and temptation to move their hope from Jesus to some other counterfeit option. If they are to bring glory to His name on that last day, then by His power at work in them they must persevere in the faith. The true mark of  genuine salvation has always been that it perseveres to the end.

***

Where do you see yourself in this story? Are you still opposed to God, hating and opposing His leadership over your life? If so, then look closely at the loving sacrifice of Jesus and allow it to change your view of this God (John 19). Are you one of the prodigals reconciled by the blood of the Lamb? If so, be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith to the end, so that your faith will not have been in vain, so that you may be found blameless on that final day. Cling to the cross of Jesus. Hold fast to the gospel of grace for in it alone lies your salvation and no one can snatch you out of His hand (John 10:27-30).

For further reading...

• John 19- Read the crucifixion story and be reminded of the price of your salvation. 
• Matt 10:22, Matt 13:20-21, Matt 24:12-14, John 10:27-30, 2 Tim 2:11-13, & Heb 6:4-8- Check out these passages which speak of true salvation enduring to the end. Admittedly this biblical teaching can be confusing, however I do not understand these passages to teach that a true believer can lose their salvation. Rather I understand them to teach that true salvation is proven true by the fact that it perseveres to the end. As always I stand before God and His Word ready to be corrected if I am wrong.

Train them up!

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

Proverbs 22:6

Many of you know this passage by the King James translation which begins with "train up a child in the way he should go..." I actually like the way the New International Version translates it better. It draws out what the Baker Commentary on the Bible has to say about this verse. It notes that the word for "train" can also be translated "dedicate." It also says that the phrase "the way he should go" is more literally translated "on the mouth of his way." I am not skilled enough in language studies to confirm this, but it seems to be in keeping with the meaning of the passage. Interestingly enough, the word for "way" can mean not only "path" or "road" but also "manner" or "habit." (edited by Walter A. Elwell. Proverbs commentary written by R. K. Harrison,  p.424).

All of this taken together gives us the general thrust of this proverb. I liken it to a sharpshooter aiming at a target that is a long distance off. Even if your aim is only a degree or two off, over such a long distance it is multiplied so that you miss your target altogether. But if you are careful to eliminate the smallest of errors in the beginning, then you have a much better chance of hitting your target. So too with our children. We must do more than merely lay a solid foundation in their early years and hope for the best. We must go far beyond this. After we have laid that foundation we must be diligent to watch for deviations from the path of righteousness and correct their course whenever needed. A minor step away from the Lord at the age of 8, 10, or even 15 can take your child far away from the faith by the time he is 25 or 30.

This reminds me of a saying from one of the early church fathers. Chrysostom said, “To each of you fathers and mothers, I speak: Just as we see artists fashioning their paintings and statues with great precision, so we must care for these wondrous statues of ours. Painters, once they have set the canvas on the easel, paint on it day by day to accomplish their purpose. Sculptors, too, working in marble, proceed in a similar manner; they remove what is unhelpful and add what is lacking. You should proceed in the same way. Like the creators of statues, give all your leisure time to fashioning these wondrous statues of God. As you remove what is unhelpful and add what is lacking, inspect them day by day, to see with which good qualities nature has supplied them so that you can increase these qualities, and to see which faults so that you can eradicate them” (quote taken from Perspectives on Family Ministry by Timothy Paul Jones, p.20).

It is important to remember that the proverbs are not promises. They express what wisdom has found to be generally true. Unfortunately there are those children who will decide to walk away from God in rebellion even after their parents have done all they can do. But on the whole, if we are diligent to dedicate our children to the path of righteousness at a young age and keep them on it, then they will never depart from it, even in their old age after we have gone to be with the Lord. So I charge you to be diligent in raising up your children for the glory of God.

For further reading...

• Deuteronomy 6:1-9- Teach God's commands to your children.
• Ephesians 6:1-4- Don't be too hard on your children.
• Joshua 4:20-24- Set up practical reminders of God's goodness. 

Too Important to Outsource

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Deuteronomy 6:6-9

 

 

I outsource a lot of things in my life. I don't make any of my own clothes or grow any of my own food. There are plenty of people who are more skilled than me at that, so I stick to what I am good at and pay them for their services. But there are certain things in life that are just too important to outsource. It doesn't matter how good anyone else is at it. It's important that you do it yourself. Here's an example for ya. Dating your wife. It doesn't matter how skilled a "professional dater" might be. It's not something you outsource (Jones p.81-82). Here's another example. Teaching our children about Jesus. It doesn't matter what degree someone else holds or how well they relate to teens or children, at the end of the day making sure that your child understands the truth of the Bible is just too important to outsource. It's just one of those things you need to do yourself.

 

The Scripture above backs this up. You won't find youth pastors or children's ministers in the Bible anywhere. God's plan for passing the faith down to the next generation is godly parents. Now, I believe that youth and children's pastors have an important role to play in supporting and equipping parents as they minister to their kids, but we are not the primary faith trainers of your children. You are.

 

The problem is that for the most part we have done a lousy job of helping you minister to your kids. We haven't reminded you that it was your job. We haven't equipped you to do it or offered to help you when you were struggling. For my part, I want to do better. So here's a simply format you can follow to have a family devotional time this week.

 

How to Have Family Devotionals*

1. Read the Bible together- Go through a few verses or a chapter. Whatever works for your family. It doesn’t have to be a prepared Bible lesson. God’s Word is powerful! Just read it together and listen to it. (Helpful Hint- Have everyone use the same Bible translation for family devotion time to avoid confusion.)
2. Talk about it- Ask some questions to help spark a discussion. (Helpful Hint- Pick just a few of these questions that are appropriate for your kids. If they are struggling, help them out.)
• Who are the main character(s)?
• What happens in the passage?  Can you summarize it?
• Any questions? What are you curious about?
• What happened before or after this passage?
• Which words, phrases, or themes seem important to you?
• What did this mean to people back then? What does this mean for us now?
• Does this remind you of any other passages of Scripture?
• Are there examples to follow or avoid (things to do or not do)?
• Is there a promise to celebrate?
• Is there a sin to avoid?
• What does it say about God?
• What does it say about people?
• What does it say about me?
• Do I need to confess something to God?
• Do I need to thank God for something?
• What do I need to tell someone or do for someone because of this passage?
• Helpful Hint- Bring in what the Lord has been teaching you as much as possible! It’s important for your kids to see that you are constantly growing closer to the Lord as well. And don’t be afraid to confess your sin (when appropriate) to your children. It will help teach them humility.
3. Sing together- Not everyone is a musician, but don’t let that stop you.  Music is an amazing learning tool and it has a profound ability to guide us into true worship. Pick a well known song or hymn and sing it a cappella. Use your bad singing as an opportunity to teach your kids that worship is about the heart not the sound. Be sure to create a safe place to worship by letting your family know that making fun of anyone’s singing is not acceptable.
4. Pray together- Praying at bedtime and meals is great, but don’t let that be the only time you pray together as a family. Take a moment to share prayer requests and go around the table letting each family member pray for the person to their left as best as they are able.

*Developed using adapted elements from Family Ministry Field Guide by Timothy Paul Jones (p167) and in Trained in the Fear of God by Stinson and Jones (chapter 11 written by Peter R. Schemm Jr.) as well as a talk sheet developed by Patrick Hamilton for use in the study of John.

 

Jones, Timothy Paul. Family Ministry Field Guide. (Wesleyan Publishing House: Indianapolis, 2011) p. 81-82.

 

For further study this week...

• Lead your family in a devotional time on Genesis 1.