Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.
1 Corinthians 6:18-20
A lot of times when we talk about a biblical view of sex people ask the question, “How far is too far?” That is a fair question and it is one that I will answer in the next few weeks, but it approaches the problem from the wrong angle. When you ask “How far is too far?” what you're really saying is that you want to go right up to the line and do as much as you possibly can without crossing it. A better question to ask would be, “How can I set boundaries around sex to honor God with my purity?”
Think about a bonfire. Bonfires are awesome. They keep you warm on a cold night. You can make s'mores with a bonfire. But if you get too close, if you stick your face right down next to the fire, then you get burned. Nobody asks “How close can I get to this bonfire without getting third degree burns?” Why do we ask that about sex? Instead of trying to do as much as you possibly can without losing your virginity, you should try to keep a safe distance. Try setting boundaries in your relationship. When you start dating someone, before you start kissing and stuff like that, sit down with them and talk about what each of you are comfortable with doing and what you are not willing to do. Talk about where your sexual line in the sand is. Don’t wait until you are alone and in the dark to have this conversation. Talk about it with the lights on before stuff starts happening. Ideally the man in the relationship should initiate this conversation as the biblical leader, but if he doesn't you cannot afford to wait for him to start grabbing stuff in the dark. Ladies, you may have to initiate this conversation yourselves. If he really cares about you then he shouldn’t push you to do things that you aren’t comfortable with. Likewise you shouldn't force him to do more than he is comfortable doing.
Now, what do you do if you are currently in a relationship that has already gone too far? It’s never too late to start over. You can’t undo what you have already done, but just because you did it once doesn’t mean you have to or should keep doing it. It is difficult to stop engaging in sexual activity after you have started it, but it isn’t impossible. Sit down with your boyfriend or girlfriend and have a conversation about what you are and are not willing to do from this point on. Just because you love the person doesn’t mean that anything goes sexually. The average girl falls in love 5-7 times before they get married and the average guys falls in love 3-5 times, so if you have sex with everyone you “fall in love” with, that’s how many sexual partners you will have.*
Today as we close I want you to think about giving priority to two relationships. First, I want you to give your relationship with your future husband or wife priority. This is a relationship that will last your whole life and you can’t know who this person will be until you stand before that preacher and get married, so choose to wait. Choose to honor that relationship. Give it priority; put it first. No matter how important the girlfriend or boyfriend you have right now is, your husband or wife will be more important. Second, I want you to give priority to the one relationship you can guarantee will last for all eternity…your relationship with God. God has told you what to do. Trust Him. Place Him ahead of your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Choose God’s way for sex over the world’s way or your boyfriend’s way…even over your own way. Trust me, God’s way is better.
For further reading...
- Ruth- Check out a biblical romance.
* Doug Fields from "Best Sex Ever" series