Lessons from Philemon: The Gospel Changes How We Relate to People

I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you. I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do would not seem forced but would be voluntary. Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever— no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a fellow man and as a brother in the Lord.

So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me.

Philemon 12-17

Last week we learned about Onesimus, Philemon's runaway slave. Though his name meant useful, he was anything but useful as a slave. In fact, after some time he ran away, potentially stealing from his master to fund the journey. Onesimus fled to Rome to disappear into the crowds. There he met the Apostle Paul who shared the gospel with him. Onesimus was saved and was forever changed by the gospel. Perhaps for the first time in his life, he began serving others of his own free will. Through Onesimus' conversion story we learn that the gospel changes everything. In fact the entire Christian life can be summed up as the ongoing process of allowing the gospel to change us. This week we see that the gospel must change how we relate to other people.

In the passage above Paul asks Philemon to do a remarkable thing. Paul sends Philemon's runaway slave back to him and he asks him to receive Onesimus no longer as a slave but as a brother in Christ. Moreover, Paul requests that Philemon receive Onesimus as if he were the Apostle Paul himself. Now by the common perspective of the day Onesimus, being a runaway slave, was a criminal. Philemon could have him whipped or worse. Yet, Paul expects better of Philemon based on the gospel. He tells Philemon that his relationship with Onesimus has been changed by the power of the gospel. No longer are they merely master and slave. From this point on, throughout eternity, they are first and foremost brothers in Christ. Whatever else factors into their relationship, this must be considered first.

Has the gospel changed the way you relate to people? Do you continue to manipulate and use people to get your way? Are you stuck in your old racist habits? Or has the gospel thoroughly changed your relationships? Simply put the gospel should be the primary determining factor in how we relate to other people. If a person has accepted the gospel then, no matter what else they are to us, we must relate to them first and foremost as a brother or a sister in Christ. Now this has a whole host of implications for the lives of believers, but here are two. First, it means we must forgive other believers. If God has seen fit to forgive them, how can we refuse?! Second, it also means that we must treat those we date with respect. Hopefully you know the Bible commands us to date only believers (2 Cor. 6:14-15). If the person we are dating is first our brother or sister in Christ then you can't use that person for personal gratification. You must respect them and honor them as a child of God. 

What about those who aren't believers? The same principle holds. The gospel should be the primary determining factor in how we relate to other people. If a person has not yet accepted the gospel then, no matter what else they are to us, we must relate to them first and foremost as a lost person in need of the gospel. Even if they are cruel or mean to us, we must remember that they desperately need someone to show them the grace and love of God. Our every interaction with them ought to be colored by this need. One implication of this truth for today is that even as many Christians experience fear that sharing Jesus with Muslims might put them in danger, we must remember that first and foremost they are people in need of the gospel. Regardless of what happens we must share God's love and grace with them. We dare not return evil for evil. We must overcome evil with love. 

Which of your relationships needs to be changed by the gospel? 

A Companion of Fools?

Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.

Proverbs 13:20

Growing up in the South I heard an old proverb that goes like this: "When you hang out in the barn, the animals don't come out smelling like you." This may seem like an odd saying, but almost anyone who has spent time on a farm understands it. Animals smell bad, especially when there are a bunch of them in an enclosed space with their own feces. No matter how good you smell when you go into a barn, you tend to come out smelling like the animals, not vice versa. It is the same in our friendships. When we surround ourselves with a great number of bad influences, the chances are high that our friends' bad habits will rub off on us.

The book of Proverbs rightly warns us to choose our friends wisely and to choose wise friends because our friends have a profound impact on us. Over time we tend to become more and more like them. This principle is picked up not only in the proverb above but in several others as well:

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared. (Proverbs 22:24-25)

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. (Proverbs 27:17)

I am not suggesting that we should avoid non-Christians altogether. In fact, the Bible has more to say about avoiding Christians who do not live up to their confession of faith (1 Corinthians 5:9-13) than it does about avoiding unbelievers. No, we must associate with unbelievers and engage in relationships with them in order to share Jesus with them. But we should choose carefully with whom we engage in friendships. We don't have to sit in judgment of people, but we should honestly acknowledge that some are better influences on us than others are. We must choose our companions on the road of life wisely, because they tend to affect not only the quality of our travel but also the direction we are headed.

All of our friends have an impact on us. So the question isn't "Are my friends influencing me?" The question is this: "Is the impact my friends have on me positive or negative?" Are your friends sharpening you as iron sharpens iron? Does their presence in your life draw you deeper into Bible study, prayer, and church? Or do they tend to draw you into drunkenness, immorality, anger, conflict, and envy? If your friends impact your life for the worse, then perhaps it's time for you to find some new friends. Finding new friends isn't disloyal because a Christian's primary loyalty is always to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

For further reading...

• I Kings 12:1-24- Rehoboam is a classic biblical example of how having fools for friends can lead you astray.
• 1 Corinthians 5:9-13- Read what the Bible says about associating with Christians who do not live up to their confession of faith.
• James 4:3-5- Friendship with the world?

The Resurrected Life

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.

Colossians 3:1-3

Christianity is not a life change. It is a resurrection. The Bible teaches that all humans are dead in their sins. Those who respond to Christ's death and resurrection in faith are made alive through that faith to live for God. Since believers were dead and have now been made alive, it is fitting for us to set out minds on things above (where Christ is and where we are going) as opposed to setting our minds on earthly things. 

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these, the wrath of God is coming. You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all.

Colossians 3:5-11

When the Holy Spirit first breathes life into the Christian's soul and calls him to salvation, that new believer's mind is dead set on the things of this world and his heart is black with love for sin. As he responds in faith, the Christian gets his first taste of the amazing goodness of God. Having tasted God's goodness, he rightly desires more of it, but the old inclinations toward the earthly remain. The believer must actively choose to put off this old mindset and this old way of living life.

Notice how much of this old life has to do with relationships. This is why it can be hard for new believers to continue all of their old friendships. If these relationships drag the believer back into lust, lying, anger, sexual immorality, evil desires, slander, and filthy language then he must choose between living a resurrected life and his friends. He will do well to recall what Jesus had to say about the man who puts his hand to the plow and turns back (Luke 9:61-62). Of course becoming a Christian does not mean you have to leave your lost friends (Mark 2:13-17 & Luke 15), but it does mean a commitment to cutting these old behaviors out of your life, putting off the old self and some friendships simply will not survive that level of life change.

But the Christian life is not only about putting off the old self, it is also a concerted effort to set your mind on the things above. We are not merely called to put off worldly behavior but to put on Christian behavior. Christianity isn't something that happens on the periphery of your life. It affects everything! It changes your identity, your behavior, and your hope. Today I challenge you to put on the new self by living out Colossians 3:12-17 below.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

With the help of the Spirit, seek out and put to death sin in your life, and continually seek to add more of the virtues of heaven to your manner of living.


For further reading...

• Mark 2:13-17 & Luke 15- There is little doubt that Christians must cut sin out of their lives. Sometimes avoiding temptation and sin comes at the cost of losing relationships. Yet, the Bible has a lot to say about Jesus' relationships with sinners. How do these passages balance out the idea that the Christian must cut sin out of her life, but need not necessarily cut sinners out as well? (Any right understanding of this issue must admit a new believer relates to her lost friends differently after her conversion than she did before.)
• Luke 9:61-62- What does this passage have to teach those of us who accept Jesus and then turn back to our life sin and live an essentially unresurrected life?