How Not to Slap People (W.o.W. Rewind)

 Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20

Do you ever just want to smack somebody? Lately, I have found myself wanting to do that more and more. And the sad part is they really don't deserve it. I'm getting more frustrated with people than normal and I don't know why. My temper is short. My patience shorter. Mostly, this all occurs in my mind. I don't think the people around me have noticed it much yet, but they soon will if I don't get it under control. But how?

What I am really mad about often isn't the minor annoyance that just occurred. It's the fact that it or something like it has happened five times this week! In other words, I've been keeping a record. Not so much a record of wrongs as a record of annoyances. Pet peeves. Things that kinda tick me off. I don't actively think about it, but all of that frustration is building up just below the surface of my life. So much so that I can be completely happy one minute, but as soon as something frustrates me all of that old built up frustration surges to the surface and I'm ready to explode. The amount of frustration I feel is all out of proportion to the situation. I am convinced that Christians ought not live this way, that we ought to discipline ourselves to deal with our frustration in a better way so that we can be "slow to anger." I knew I had to find a better way.

It occurred to me that I needed to find a way to vent my frustrations. I could yell at the people that are frustrating me, kick the cat, take it out on my family, or force my wife to listen to me complain for the third time this week OR I could take it to the Lord in prayer. I've decided that venting my frustrations in prayer is far superior to the other options. For a while now I have been utilizing the A.C.T.S. prayer model which stands for adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I'm going to change it to the F.A.C.T.S. prayer model and add in frustrations.

For me this is a two part strategy. First, in my extended prayer time I need to focus some time on praying over all the things that are frustrating me. If I can vent all of that to the Lord and let it go, then I can start my day at a frustration level of zero instead of 100. But secondly, and maybe even more importantly, prayer must become my first response when I sense frustration starting to build. When someone cuts me off in traffic or does something else that drives me nuts I need to pray about it right that second. 

So take a minute to pray over all the things people do that make you want to lose your cool, all the things that you sense building up inside you. And throughout the day as things irritate you, take it immediately to God in prayer and let it go. Hopefully, by doing this you and I can both keep ourselves from actually slapping anyone.

Break Up the Ground

"This is what the Lord says to the people of Judah and to Jerusalem: 'Break up your unplowed ground and do not sow among thorns.'"

Jeremiah 4:3

God compares Judah’s hardened, sinful hearts to a field that has long been left untended and has become overgrown with thorns. You can’t sow seed on a field in that condition. You have to prepare the soil first. You have to remove the thorns and plow the field before you plant something new. God is telling His people, “You wouldn’t sow a field without clearing and plowing it first. Do the same with your heart.”

If you want to turn your heart back to the Lord this morning, then you need to clear it of thorns. A lot of people try to change their life by adding a few good things without removing any bad things. They start going to church or reading their Bible or praying, and they don’t understand why their life doesn’t change. They don’t realize that they are casting good seed on soil that can’t receive it. Just as soil can’t receive seed when it is consumed by thorns, so too, your heart can’t receive Jesus when it’s consumed by sin. You can’t just add Jesus to your heart and leave the rest of your life unchanged! If you really want to return to the Lord, cut the thorns of sin out of your life.

But even after you clear your life of thorns, there is still something you must do before you plant new seed. You must plow the hardened soil. This is a metaphor for repentance. Returning to God requires not only getting rid of your sin but also repenting of it. You must be broken over your sin. You have to break up the hard places in your heart and soften them again so you can receive the good seed God wants to plant in you now.

What does this repentance look like? How do we break up the hardened soil of our hearts? In short, we allow ourselves to become heartbroken over the ways we have sinned against God. We grieve over our sin. We humble ourselves before Him. We submit to Him. This is how you take a hard heart and make it soft again.

Has your heart grown hard and untended? Has it grown cold and unyielding to the Spirit’s promptings? If so, remove your sin and break up the soil of your heart this morning with the plow of repentance. Weep over your sin. Humble yourself before God. Make your heart soft and surrender it to Him. Then you'll be ready to receive the new things God has for you.

For further reading…

• James 4:7-10 offers a compelling picture of what repentance looks like.

Wanna Grow? Start Here!

We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

James 3:2

This verse teaches that mastering your tongue is so incredibly difficult that if you were actually able to pull it off, if you were able to never sin by what you say, then you would have the self-control to achieve perfection in every way. You would be able to "keep your whole body in check." Of course, this passage also tells us in verse 8 that no one can completely tame their tongue. So, no one actually does have that level of self-control.

But it does raise an interesting question. Can our speech be used as a general measure of our self-control and spiritual maturity? If someone had to judge your spiritual maturity based solely on what you say, what would they conclude?

Evaluate yourself. Here's a list of "sins of the tongue" that some friends and I came up with. I am sure I missed some, but I never realized there were so many ways to sin just by talking!

• Slander
• Gossip
• Lying
• Arrogant or Self-promoting talk
• Filthy Language
• Coarse Joking
• Perverse Talk
• Abusive Language (i.e. venting of anger or hatred)
• Dishonoring your father or mother
• Taking the Lord's name in vain
• Tempting others to sin
• False Teaching
• Approving of sin

How did you fare? Since no man can tame the tongue completely, I am guessing that like me you see some room for improvement. And maybe this verse gives you a good reason to make a concerted effort to do so. Maybe those of us who really want to grow closer to the Lord and who want to conform more into the image of Christ in all areas of our lives should consider starting here. What better way to begin developing the self-control necessary to "keep our whole bodies in check" than to begin reining in our tongues? Make this your prayer today.

Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips. (Ps. 141:3)

The Bible is a Mirror

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

James 1:22-25

Doesn’t that capture perfectly what Scripture is like and what so many of us are like? Scripture is like a mirror that lets us see ourselves clearly. We read Scripture or we hear a sermon and we are pricked in our conscience. We see something about ourselves, some part of our life that is out of joint that is sinful and wrong- cause that’s what sin is like. It’s like a clump of hair sticking up on the back of your head. It’s out of place and it hurts your overall appearance and everyone else can see it better than you can. But then Scripture shows it to you. And for most of us our first instinct isn’t to look deeper into the mirror and fix the problem we are seeing for the first time but to look away from the mirror as quickly as possible and try to forget what we saw so we don’t have to deal with it.

If you aren’t careful that’s what you’ll do when you read the Bible. You’ll be reading along and you'll come to a verse that speaks to your situation, and the Spirit will convict you of some sin in your life but you’ll just shoot past it. You’ll just keep reading quickly on trying to get your mind to focus on the next verse instead of lingering on that conviction. “I’ll come back to that and think about it later” you tell yourself, but in reality you are running away from that verse as quickly as you can. I know because I've done this.  

Or the same thing happens when you hear a sermon. At times a sermon can bring Scripture to bear on the sin in your life and cause you to come under the conviction of the Spirit, but often we are masters at wriggling out of that conviction aren’t we? We ignore it and tell ourselves that “God will forgive me.” Yes, He will if you repent and stop sinning against Him, but not if you persist in rebelling against Him. Or the pastor will point out something in Scripture that we don’t like, that convicts us and we’ll say to ourselves “Well I just don’t believe that.” You don’t believe what the Bible says?! It doesn’t work that way. Or we’ll convince ourselves that we just aren’t strong enough or a good enough Christian to obey God in that way yet. "One day," we tell ourselves, "one day." 

Be careful that you don’t fall into this trap. Be careful that you don’t sit in church week after week hearing the Word preached to you and coming under the conviction of the Spirit but refusing to be changed by it, refusing to put God’s Word into practice. If you quench the Spirit long enough you may just succeed in hardening your heart against Him, you may just succeed in deafening your ears to His pleas and blinding your eyes to your own sin. Then what hope will you have?

So when you hear a sermon or read God’s Word, the question you should be asking yourself is this: What would God have me do about this?! Be doers of God’s Word, and not hearers only.

A Mist

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast in your arrogant schemes. All such boasting is evil.

James 4:13-16

Early this morning a tornado ripped through Middle Tennessee. It tore a 50 mile long path across four counties through homes, businesses, and schools leaving devastation and death in its wake. As of right now the death toll stands at twenty-five. That's twenty-five lives lost and twenty-five families forever changed. Had it not happened in the middle of the night, it could have been much worse.

Occasionally we are reminded just how fleeting life is, just how quickly our world can change. It's humbling to think that it very easily could have been my family, my home, my church, or my kids' school that was destroyed. But it's uncomfortable for us to be humbled in this way. It kicks against our natural pride, independence, and self-reliance to live everyday of our lives under the knowledge that God holds our lives in His hands. And so we do our best to forget the feelings of powerlessness as quickly as possible. We try to get back to "real life", get back to "normal." But maybe we shouldn't.

This passage in James teaches that we shouldn't live like our lives will go on forever. Instead, we should live each day understanding that we don't know what tomorrow will bring. We should live fully aware that our life is like a mist that is already disappearing. We exist at God's pleasure. Every day we wake up is a gift from Him. So, as we pray for those affected by this storm and as we help with cleanup, let's not go back to life as it was. Instead, let's live each day for Him understanding that today is a gift from Him and it could be our last.

How Not to Slap People

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20

Do you ever just want to smack somebody? Lately, I have found myself wanting to do that more and more. And the sad part is they really don't deserve it. I'm getting more frustrated with people than normal and I don't know why. My temper is short. My patience shorter. Mostly, this all occurs in my mind. I don't think the people around me have noticed it much yet, but they soon will if I don't get it under control. But how?

What I am really mad about often isn't the minor annoyance that just occurred. It's the fact that it or something like it has happened five times this week! In other words, I've been keeping a record. Not so much a record of wrongs as a record of annoyances. Pet peeves. Things that kinda tick me off. I don't actively think about it, but all of that frustration is building up just below the surface of my life. So much so that I can be completely happy one minute, but as soon as something frustrates me all of that old built up frustration surges to the surface and I'm ready to explode. The amount of frustration I feel is all out of proportion to the situation. I am convinced that Christians ought not live this way, that we ought to discipline ourselves to deal with our frustration in a better way so that we can be "slow to anger." I knew I had to find a better way.

It occurred to me that I needed to find a way to vent my frustrations. I could yell at the people that are frustrating me, kick the cat, take it out on my family, or force my wife to listen to me complain for the third time this week OR I could take it to the Lord in prayer. I've decided that venting my frustrations in prayer is far superior to the other options. For a while now I have been utilizing the A.C.T.S. prayer model which stands for adoration, confession, thanksgiving, and supplication. I'm going to change it to the F.A.C.T.S. prayer model and add in frustrations.

For me this is a two part strategy. First, in my extended prayer time I need to focus some time on praying over all the things that are frustrating me. If I can vent all of that to the Lord and let it go, then I can start my day at a frustration level of zero instead of 100. But secondly, and maybe even more importantly, prayer must become my first response when I sense frustration starting to build. When someone cuts me off in traffic or does something else that drives me nuts I need to pray about it right that second. 

So take a minute to pray over all the things people do that make you want to lose your cool, all the things that you sense building up inside you. And throughout the day as things irritate you, take it immediately to God in prayer and let it go. Hopefully, by doing this you and I can both keep ourselves from actually slapping anyone.

Playing with Fire

The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

James 3:6

On November 23, 2016, two teens, one fifteen and one seventeen, walked down the Chimney Tops hiking trail in The Great Smoky Mountains National Park lighting matches and tossing them off the side of the trail as they went. One or more of these matches started a wildfire that burned for roughly three weeks in and around the national park and Gatlinburg areas. It burned 17,904 acres, destroyed 2,500 structures, and caused about $500 million in damage. Worst of all, it sent 191 people to the hospital and killed 14 more. It all started with a tiny little fire on the end of a matchstick. (Both teenagers have now been charged with aggravated arson.)

It is hard to imagine what these teens were thinking tossing lit matches into a wooded area. How could they not realize that even such a small fire could be so dangerous!? But many of us display the same cavalier attitude in the things we say. We think, "I probably shouldn't say this..." but we just can't help ourselves; so we light the match and toss the comment over our shoulder as we walk away. We never stop to think about how much damage it could do. We slander, gossip, and accuse people, and we think it's no big deal. But James tells us that the tongue is like a fire. Your words can burn with all the destructive force of a wildfire, injuring and destroying anyone in their path. This is especially true of slander. 

Did you know that the word for "Devil" in the New Testament actually means slanderer or accuser? Revelation 12:10 says he is, "the accuser of our brothers and sisters, who accuses them before our God day and night..." This fits perfectly with the story of Job from the Old Testament in which Satan appears before God to slander and accuse a righteous man. This is what the Devil spends his time doing, accusing and slandering God's people. So when you slander one of your brothers or sisters in Christ, you actually become the weapon in the enemy's hand that he uses you to attack God's people. You are doing the Devil's job for him! That is why Scripture takes such a firm stance against slander. James 4:11 says "do not slander one another." Titus 3:2 says we should "slander no one." Ephesians 4:31 counsels us to "get rid of all slander." And I Corinthians 6:10 even goes so far as to say that slanderers will not inherit the kingdom of God. 

Brothers and sisters, please be careful what you say. Don't be double-tongued. Don't praise God with the same mouth that you use to curse and slander His people. Instead be known for speaking encouragement, Scripture, and blessings (even when you are being cursed). Keep a tight rein on your tongue, and may we all be more like the righteous man in Proverbs 10:11 than we are like the worthless man in Proverbs 16:27.

Proverbs 16:27- "A worthless man's speech is like a scorching fire."  Proverbs 10:11- "The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life."

A Tale of Three Men

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20

Here is the man who isn't quick to listen. Listening is a waste of time for him because he already knows what you are going to say. He cuts you off mid-sentence with his retort. He efficiently uses the time you are speaking not to gain perspective but to catch his breath and plot his next argument. He is wise in his own eyes, but not in God's eyes.

Here is the man who speaks too quickly. He has no filter. Whatever enters into his mind comes out of his mouth straight away. He takes no time to consider if it should be spoken, if it is helpful or if it is even true. He simply says what he thinks. In fact, he takes pride in doing so. "I'm a straight shooter. I say what is on my mind," he says. But this is not the mark of honesty, nor is it a trait to be aspired to. No, a Christian ought to be thoughtful in his words. He ought to always remember what damage the tongue can do and seek to harness it (James 3:3-12). Otherwise his religion is worthless (James 1:26). 

Lastly, here is the man who is quickly angered. He goes from happiness to all out rage in 60 seconds or less. His anger moves too quickly for him to determine if it's directed at the right person or even if it's an appropriate response at all. Thus, he often yells at people only to regret it later. It doesn't take much to set him off. He gives no one the benefit of the doubt or the best reading of the details. He quickly believes any gossip he hears and receives any perceived slight in the worst possible light. He never pauses to ask himself questions before his anger runs ahead. He doesn't ask, "Does this person want to hurt me? Do they even realize they are hurting me?" No, this man has incredible insight into the souls of all people. With very few details at all, he can know beyond a shadow of a doubt that his friend attacked him intentionally with the worst possible motives. 

When we look on these three men as a character sketch, it is easy to see that we do not want to be like them. Yet many of us resemble at least one of the three. It would be impossible to calculate how many conflicts in the church would be avoided if we would only follow the advice in these verses. Let's be known for how well we listen. Let's speak less and have fewer regrets. And let's switch our anger from microwave mode to crock pot mode. Refuse to be angry at anyone until you are sure it is the right response. Give them the benefit of the doubt until all the facts are in. Then we will be more like God and our growth in righteousness will not be stunted.  

Talking the Talk

Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.

Colossians 4:5-6

What's the worst thing you said to someone in the past 24 hours? Or maybe it wasn't what you said as much as it was how you said it. (I've been told that makes a big difference.) 

It's not easy to control our tongues. James says, "Every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison" (James 3:7-8). And again, he says "If anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body" (James 3:2).Yet we are commanded in this passage to make our speech gracious. What exactly does that mean? 

In the least it must mean that the way we speak to other people must reflect the grace that God has given us. When we have the right to be angry with them, we speak grace instead of anger. We speak to them with the gentleness and love that they don't deserve, because that is how God has spoken to us. When we have told them something over and over and over again but they're still are not getting it right (I'm looking at you parents and teachers); even then we should respond to them with patience and mercy. It means that we give them the benefit of the doubt so that our words cast them in the best possible light, not the worst.

It also means that the content of our speech ought to draw people to Jesus. Words like Christ, salvation, resurrection, and grace ought to be regular parts of our daily vocabulary, so that people can't really be around us without hearing pieces of the gospel. Our conversations ought to be "seasoned with salt." According to the ESV Study Bible this means that we ought to speak in an "interesting, stimulating, and wise way" that would commend the gospel to non-believers. Salt is a natural preservative of course, so I don't think it a stretch to assert that this means our speech ought to be free of the putrid, rotten subjects of conversation that our world so delights in. In other words, it's not just how we talk to people that matters, it is also what we talk about. 

So how have you been doing over the last 24 hours? You can't control your tongue alone. James was right. "No human being can tame the tongue." But consider Jesus' words when in response to another task that is impossible for man to do alone. "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible" (Matthew 19:26). Ask God for help. Think of one person you can focus on speaking life and grace to tomorrow. It may very well be a family member. 

For further consideration...

• Daily vocabulary- Facebook recently started doing this thing where you can see what words pop up most often in your posts. I wonder if the Lord were to do the same for us. What would your most common words be? What words do you use the most? What is your daily vocabulary and what does that reveal about your character?

How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water. (James 3:5-12)

If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is worthless. (James 1:26)

...but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect... (I Peter 3:15)

I just don't feel close to God like I thought I would...

Come near to God and he will come near to you.

James 4:8

 

 

As a youth pastor I sometimes have teenagers come up to me and say something like, "You know Lance, I just don't feel as close to God as I thought I would. I got saved a few months back (or a few years back) and I just don't feel any closer to God." Generally, I respond by asking the student if he is spending regular time with the Lord. Is he reading his Bible and praying everyday? Almost always the answer is no.

 

Scripture gives us a very clear teaching on this matter. If we come near (approach, draw near, pursue) God, then He will draw near to us as well. I don't know why this is so difficult for us to grasp. It isn't just teenagers that struggle with this; many adults, including myself, continue to struggle to have regular quiet times and then wonder why we aren't closer to God. Somehow we think that a close relationship with God just happens without any hard work. We don't expect this to happen in any other area of life. We don't expect relationships to just blossom without  ever spending time with the person. We don't expect to have increased knowledge of math without studying. We don't expect to suddenly acquire better basketball skills without practicing. And yet, once we become a Christian we somehow think that we are going to experience a deep relationship with God, knowledge of God, and skill at discerning His will without ever investing any time or energy developing them. It is absurd and frankly angering.

 

There are some parts of the Christian life that are automatic. The Bible tells us that when we become a Christian we become a new creation (II Corinthians 5:17). The Holy Spirit comes to reside in us (Ephesians 1:13) and we are given a new heart (Ezekiel 36:26-27). Most new Christians sense a greater intimacy with the Lord at this time. But as Christians we have a responsibility to develop this new relationship with the Lord, our knowledge of Him, and our skill at handling His Word over time. In fact, when we stop to think of just how much God has pursued us, it is embarrassing that we should struggle so much to simply spend time with Him.

 

Scripture tells us that before the foundation of the world God was working out His plan to pursue and save us from our sin (Ephesians 1:4-5). He took on flesh and suffered and died the worst imaginable death for us, even when we were opposed to Him. Over the course of thousands of years He carefully revealed His nature and His will to His prophets and apostles and had them write this revelation down. Then He raised up scribes to painstakingly copy and preserve this revelation for future generations. The Bible was copied by hand for thousands of years before the printing press was invented. Because this process was so slow and costly, it was very rare for individuals to personally own any of the books of the Bible. Churches had Bibles, but generally individuals didn't. Then when the Roman emperor Diocletian decided to wipe out Christianity by destroying all the Bibles in the whole world, many Christians chose imprisonment, torture and even death rather than reveal where Bibles were hidden. Much later, more Christians were martyred for translating the Bible into English. The Roman Catholic church didn't want the Bible to be translated into the common language but men like John Wycliffe and William Tyndale wanted every poor farmer in England to be able to read the Bible in their own language.

 

Today, we have this precious book, this love letter, that God has so providentially worked through the lives and deaths of His saints to put into our hands. Most of us have two or three or more, and we completely ignore the great privilege we have to read it on our own. We don't read it every day or even every week. Instead, we wait for Sunday so the preacher can tell us what it says. We take God's self-revelation for granted. We take the blood of His saints for granted. We ignore the amazing right we have to approach the throne of grace in prayer won for us by Christ on His cross, and then we dare to question why we don't feel closer to God.

 

The answer is simple. You don't feel close to God, because you aren't. You aren't close to God because you aren't pursuing Him. And it seems pretty clear to me why we aren't doing these things...it's because we don't want to. I think it can be said that according to the above verse, you are as close to God as you want to be. The truth is that we would rather watch TV, and listen to music, go on Facebook, and do whatever else we spend all of our time doing, than spend time with God. No wonder we don't know Him. No wonder we aren't close to Him. This isn't rocket science. God has promised that if you draw near to Him, He will reciprocate. It isn't always easy. You can't do it for five minutes and expect earth shattering results. You have to persevere and spend time with God even when it doesn't feel like He is there. Trust His promise. Keep at it. Read your Bible, pray, study with other Christians, and sing His praises. Come near to God and He will come near to you.

 

 

For further reading...

• Spend 10 minutes alone with God. Just you, Him, and your Bible. If you don't know where to start reading. Try Psalms or any of the four gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John).