Your Marriage isn't About You

“For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

Ephesians 5:31-33

As I write this, my wife and I are celebrating our thirteenth wedding anniversary, and I can honestly say that I love her more today than I did thirteen years ago when we stood in that little church and said our vows. But every marriage has its moments. Moments when you argue with one another. Moments when you wonder if you are headed for divorce. Moments when you get so angry with your spouse that you consider doing the worst, most underhanded thing you can do in a marriage... going through the house and flipping all the toilet paper rolls so the paper comes off the wrong side of the roll and drives your spouse crazy. (Side note: if you didn't know there was a right way for the toilet paper to come off the roll, then you probably aren't married yet.) 

But in those moments when you feel angry and vindictive that your spouse isn't bending to your will, or fulfilling your every need, or doing what you want, remember what Scripture says in Ephesians 5. Your marriage isn't about you. It's about Jesus and His church. Marriage is a picture for all the world to see of Jesus' relationship to the church. Christ's relationship to His church is primary, and your marriage is secondary. 

That means that for Christians marriage is a sanctifying experience. You aren't supposed to bend your spouse to your will; you are supposed to help them conform into the image of Christ. Their job isn't to make you happy, but to live to make Christ happy. Marriage is about helping one another become what Jesus wants you to be. Sometimes that means helping your spouse see the sin in their lives. All the time that requires loving your spouse in spite of the sin in their lives. 

Your marriage has been designed by God to display the glories of Jesus' relationship with His bride the church. Your marriage should make people want to join the church. For that to happen, men must love their wives as they love themselves. Earlier in the chapter this point is made even stronger when men are admonished to "love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her" (v25). What man could ever live up to that standard? Wives are encouraged to respect their husbands, but again this is phrased more strongly earlier in the passage when we are told that "wives should submit to their husbands in everything" (v24). What wife could ever live up to that standard?

But if by God's grace we will pursue this ideal, we will find a beautiful version of the mutual submission that v21 requires of us. The man will sacrifice his wants and desires to put his wife's needs ahead of his own, and the wife will refuse to demand that her wants and desires be met and instead entrust herself to the husband she believes will love her as he loves himself. When both husband and wife lay their own wants and needs aside in this way, what you end up with is two people living for the other instead of two people living for themselves. And this powerfully illustrates the love Christ has for the church and the service the church offers back to Him.

So as you think about your marriage present, future or even past, consider how it might be used to serve God and His purposes. Consider how you might live to meet your spouse's needs. And make a pointed effort to lay aside your rights, your wants, your desires and seek instead the good of your spouse for the sake of Christ and His church.

Quit Talking & Get to Work (W.o.W. Rewind)

 All hard work brings a profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty.

Proverbs 14:23

Have you ever known someone who was "all talk"? I'm pretty sure I have. The guy I knew was an arrogant 19 year old who claimed to be a champion Mixed Martial Arts fighter in his home country. He used his intimidating demeanor and a stream of threats to compensate for his 5 foot 4 inch 130 pound frame. Being around a person like this can be quite unpleasant, but according to this proverb what's worse is being that person yourself. 

Whether it's a guy issuing empty threats and making false boasts or just someone who indulges their passion for gossip, all that talk gets in the way of actually accomplishing anything. We have all worked with people whose only fault was loving to socialize a little too much, but it still prevented them from being productive at work. Whatever the reason behind the talking, it eats into your productive time. That's why this proverb wisely points out that hard work leads to profit, whereas mere talk leads only to poverty.

Note too that all hard work leads to profit. Think about that! Even if I work hard on a project and fail, still God graces me with the profit of a lesson learned. Still others saw me work hard and my reputation was enhanced. Still I gained skill and discipline through the work. What is gained by mere talk? Nothing. It is prone only to increase our lack, our want, and our poverty. So whatever job you have to do today, set to it with eagerness. Work hard at it! Even if no one else sees you, and even if you get no credit. Rest easy. They can't take your profit away.

Can this be applied to our spiritual life as well? Yes! We must all be careful to guard ourselves against the trap of being "all talk" in regards to our relationship with God. This leads to an especially horrible kind of spiritual poverty called hypocrisy. Jesus pulled no punches when He dealt with religious hypocrites, so apply yourself to pursue your relationship with God not through mere words but through the hard work of seeking after Him. Attend church, teach a class, serve the less fortunate, carve out time to study the Bible, spend time earnestly praying over the needs of others. Trust me. If there is one part of your life that you don't want to be "all talk" in, this is it. Plus, you can be just as sure of the profit that comes from your spiritual work as you are of your physical labors. For the Word says, "Come near to God and he will come near to you" (James 4:8). So spend some time laboring for God today, not as a means to earn His love, but to see how you might be bettered by it.

God's Commands Don't Change

Then the Lord said to Moses, “Get up early in the morning and confront Pharaoh as he goes to the river and say to him, ‘This is what the Lord says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me.'"

Exodus 8:20

This is the same command God has been giving to Pharaoh since chapter five. Over and over again God has sent Moses to Pharaoh and had him say essentially the same thing. “Let my people go so they may worship me.” This is the fourth time now that Pharaoh has been given this command, and he will receive it several more times still.

This tells us something about God. His commands don’t change because of our disobedience. Even when you disobey, God keeps commanding obedience. It doesn’t matter how long you have been disobeying Him either. You may have been living with your girlfriend or boyfriend for years, you may have been abusing alcohol for decades, you may be fully addicted to pornography. It doesn’t matter. Over and over again, each day God confronts you again with the very same command He has always given you. Keep the marriage bed pure (Heb. 13:4). Don’t be drunk with wine (Eph. 5:18). Don’t look lustfully at someone you aren’t married to (that's a paraphrase of Matt. 5:28). 

In the same way that God confronts Pharaoh with a familiar command in this passage, God is confronting some of you in your heart right now with a command He has given you many times before. What command of God are you ignoring? Which of His commands haunt you and meet you every morning when you get out of bed? You’ve felt convicted about it for a long time but until now you haven’t obeyed. It’s time. Don't bargain with God or negotiate. Don't try to wriggle out of it. God's commands don't change. Do what Pharaoh never did. Humble yourself under God's command and offer full and whole-hearted obedience. If you don’t, trouble will follow you.